There was a thought nagging through my mind last sunday. strange that it came just after the pacquiao title fight. it's about women: i have come to the conclusion that women are superior to men in every aspect save average height. gentlemen, i'm here to tell you that we do not stand a chance. we are outgunned, outclassed and usually outnumberd.
i live with two females, one thirty nine years old, the other four years old. there used to be a third, the dog, but she passed away last year. even so there is no trace of testosterone in the house. females are in charge. the first factor is that all-important tool of survival which is lying. both women learned to lie even before they can walk. i learned to lie much later than that. for me it started when i was tall enough to knock glass objects off the counter. since then, i was never able to improve my lyign skills except maybe in the internet. the only improvement i saw in mayself came when i wasl already a pofessional, when i had money to spend. i could buy or bribe people to corroborate my lie. either that or i knew enough events and places to base my lie on an aspect of truth.
whenever my wife lies to me, things get worse than that billy joel song. i could spend months doubting my sanity before i'm able to divine the truth. by then, she would have piled enough counter-accusations to keep me from getting back. my daughter has been lying to me since she was three.
the talent is not inborn. men learn to lie as part of their job. they could also assume the role to help them get something they really want. but men don't want more than a couple of things at a time. women, on the other paw, could lie about what they had for lunch, what route they took on the way to work, how much a dress cost them. to lie smoothly and often, women actually rehearse lying. many times i caught my wife rehearsing line in front of the mirror. many times i heard my daughter rehearsing lines to daddy. i know they're lies because they always start with "daddy", followed by "mom says,"
and i was never able to bring thigs to a head. a woman has the entire female population as allies. the wife can turn all my female friends (including our mother) with a short text message "inaway nya 'ko ngayon". and those allies won't take the heat off until a second text message reads "ok na kami."
sisterhood is the least-defined fundamental force in the universe. how fast could a frat man mobilize his brods for a rumble? a few hours (and usually less than half turn up). how fast to arrange a night out? a few days. a reunion? several years. pathetic. women can arrage all three in minutes. a literal "thousand-ship launch".
and then there's economic control. to the married men, what percentage of recurring house expenses and one-time outlays did you actually decide on and control? my average is 25%, and that's playing my usual jerky self. you see, men think they're like new york city: where more value is created and transfered than in many third world countries. ZIP! it's a bubble. nothing more. women are like washington dc. if the analysts and economist in wall street use sound funamentals to predict a good year for the big three car makers, the stock prices go up. but when capitol hill and the EPA pass new emissions standards, all that price gain go down the drain.
therefore, if i get a raise at work or, through my financial savvy, manage to get rid of a mjor expense item in the house, things turn rosy right? no. never. here comes an even bigger outlay that's either more important than the last big one or something i promised in the misty past. and chances are, both conditions are just lies.