I'm in a relationship right now. And I consider him as my best friend too, since I don't keep in touch with my friends. I'm happy when I'm with. I'm comfortable being with him. On August 6, will be our 4th year anniversary. I'm sure glad that I can be myself. He loves me so much and accepts me from who I am. He's proud of me too. He always say I'm intelligent, kind, best cook, sexy and beautiful. I'm thankful for having him as my boyfriend.

My dilemma is this, I don't miss him even we don't often see each other. I'm preoccupied with my work. I'm not that busy but i'm kind of a workaholic. Arriving at home, after eating dinner I'm busy with my chinese cartoon character cross stich while watching T.V. I'd rather do these things than giving time for us to send text messages to each other. We have a phone, but I don't call him. Weird? Well, during the weekend I demand we watch movies together. Sometimes, his family or peers have plans together too. I get easily disappointed and irritable. Whether he has valid reasons I still get easily upset. Sometimes I'm wondering why am I acting like an incosiderate girlfriend. Lately, I've been thinking if I truly love him.

Will someone give me a good advice or an idea what true love means?

I don't think there are many people fortunate enough to find "true love". But in response to your question, i think, there has to be the sense of thrill and excitement and the ultimate passion towards your lover. I've been with my girl for a little over 3 years and the truth is we haven't seen each other for more than half a year for practical reasons. we keep in touch maybe once a week but I believe it's still there for us. The way we talk to each other hasn't change a bit. I admit, it's not the same as the first months of our relationship and we have our ups and downs like normal couples. But the point is that I know that I would love to grow old with her. I'de be lucky to have her to take care of. I know that's how she feels too. we both know that the thrill and the passion is slowly fadin but we accept the reality and we're looking forward for our future.
"True Love"? is there even such a thing?

He's sure that he wants to grow old with me. But on my part, I'm not that serious. Maybe I'm just afraid of marriage

marriage? who says something about marriage? my girl and I aren't thinking about marriage til probably we're too damn old to be single. YOU DON'T HAVE TO MARRY EACH OTHER to be in love or to have fun in life or to say that you're really serious about each other. as far as i'm concern, marriage is just a piece of paper that says you can't cheat on one another. (dont get me wrong, i do believe in God.)

are you saying you want to try something different? if you feel like you're too fenced-in or missing out on something better, then why not find out. don't stay in the relationship just because you don't want to waste all the years you've been with him. Don't be afraid of regrets; instead be fully aware of your life.

( i sound like a goddamn preacher. don't mean to be)

I get like tha

I get like that sometimes. When I'm not with him by my choice, of course I don't miss him, or do anything to keep in touch with him. But when I want to be with him and we can't be together pala for some reason that's not mine, I get irritated. Childishness? Inconsideration? Maybe. Pseudo-love? Less-than-true love? Maybe not.

It's one of the cliches everyone just loves to hate, but it's true. There really is no palpable basis for whether what you feel is real, true, genuine romantic love or not. You INDEED just know it when it's there. You can't really base it on any of those little things.

If you want an answer to your "How can you be sure?" question, maybe I can give you this: my boyfriend is the kindest being I've ever met. I'm serious. As I said in my other thread, no one has yet contradicted me that his heart is SO GOOD, there are times that my family, friends and I are scared that one day, he would confess to us that he's literally an angel sent with a mission and that he has to go home. A lot of people think I am lucky to be loved by him-- a romantic, poetic, considerate, gentle, loving, respectful person to everyone. But, that's the only good thing Iget from our relationship. His family hates me, he hates his family, so there's already a bevy of problems accompanying that. I'm not well-off-- I live an upper middle C life in Pampanga and a lower C life here in QC. and he's a little dense or clueless sometimes, not being able to stand me up to his parents or even assert himself and ask for his baon or his car (sa kanya na yon, ha). so there are the problems of inconvenience, hunger, exhaustion (from riding jeeps and buses and not having enough money to eat thrice a day-- no kid). I'm not drop-dead gorgeous but I'm certainly not plain- or ugly-looking, and modesty aside, I have quite high grades, accomplishments, and a few talents to be proud of. I'm a good girl (interpret it your way). And some friends agree that I could just get myself another guy, wealthier, sexier, taller, better-looking, someone who's just as nice and intelligent and good, because I'm an okay girl and I'm in Ateneo and it's easy to find someone better. Bakit daw ako nagsi-stick with him.

Haba 'no? Yes, I sometimes get angry with myself for sticking with him. But I've always known, that the reason I never get to answer why i stick with him, is because I've known the reason all along-- I can't live without the person I have loved, have been loving, and will be loving for all the tomorrows of my life.

My answer? If, at the end of the day, you're sitting by yourself all alone, and a tear unnoticably trickles down your cheek and you catch yourself unawares thinking of him and wanting to spend your waking moments with him, iyon na iyon. I hope you don't get to the point of no return, when you suddenly realize how you feel, and the person you're feeling for is gone. Good luck. Ü

How can you be sure? Think of someone else you'd rather be with, regardless of context, instead of your man. Then think of him with someone else, regardless of context, instead of you. Then think real hard if this does not, in the least bit, seem all wrong.

If you can't stand the thought of him being with anyone else, AND the thought of you being with anyone else but him, then face it Beauty, its for real. You've been on for four years you say? Kung lokohan man 'yan matagal-tagal ng lokohan 'yan, so I'll err on the proper side and say its for real.

i wholeheartedly agree...i can't explain it either but it's just a matter of intuition. deep down, you know if what you feel is real..and if you really don't, must be 'cause your confuse and unsure about your current relationship...if you ask how one can be sure, the answer is one can never be sure...there are no guarantees in life (and that includes love)...you either spend the rest of your life being afraid or take the risk to enjoy what you have...if in the end you'll lose, then take it like a grown-up - learn from it and move on...

wow...i got so preachy back there, it freaked me out..anyway, just sharin my so-called insights...

after all these years... i still haven't figured this thing out, i mean, true love. and really now, is there such a thing???

as far as i know, the chain is just as strong as its weakest link... so if one of you falls apart... i don't know... i want to ask a lot of things and share a lot of things but i'm just too damn depressed to talk... maybe someday... i used to be very good at these things and now i barely have enough strength to pull myself together... crud..

hey, true love does NOT mean, thinking about him every single moment in your life, and it does NOT mean, texting each other every second and talking to each other on the fone 24/7. acutally, this is called INFATUATION. you think you're in love, but actually, you're not.

be happy, girl. what you have is true love. not thinking about him all the time means you trust him. you trust him enough to know that he won't be doing anything to hurt you because you know he loves you. you give him space and he does the same to you. you're fair with each other. and you both are going strong for 4 years. now, true love also means time.. if you've been together for so long, and still feel the same way, then i guess that's nothing else but true love. and also, if he respects you and is willing to wait for the right time when you want to do things, and you do the same, that also counts. basta.. true love na yan, pare. hehe.

Perhaps we simply get confused a lot of times. True love encompasses more than just the thrills, the moments, the dates, and everything else that seems to fall under that rubric of love-as-pop culture. True love is supposed to be that which is left over when all the so-called "magic" is gone. Because magic is fleeting, the fluttering heart, the racing pulse, the distracted and disjointed thoughts. But true love transcends all of this. An ideal? Impossible within this mortal coil? Unattainable? Maybe, but then again, take a look at all of the people who seem so mismatched and yet have built relationships that grew and lasted in the face of improbable odds. It does happen, and the folks who make it happen are the luckiest in the world.

Falling in love is not a choice... but true love is.

Love per se is such a difficult word to describe. It transcends to different levels depending on the person defining it. Love, on my own definition is wanting to build a family with that special someone.

masarap kapag nakita-naramdaman mo na. pinagtatrabahuan 'to.

After a year, now I'm back at this forum. Funny, after a year, I still have the same issue with him. But at least I know now how I truly feel for him. We got engaged. Gowns, reservations for the church and restaurant et.al were all arranged. Then, to my surprise, I've realized I'm really just settling with him. Call me stupid if you want. But hey, better late than never. Maybe, we're really not meant for each other.

I got this from a friend... while it does not define what is "True Love" ... I think it might apply to all of us, what all the heartaches, what all the loves won and lost are for...


AFTER A WHILE
After a while, you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company does not mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises. And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child. And you begin to build all your roads on today for tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to give you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure … that you are strong. And you really do have worth.



AFTER “AFTER A WHILE”
After ‘after a while’, you want to hold a hand not to chain a soul but to enjoy it’s company, and you want someone’s lip to kiss, not because you are lonely but because you are happy, and you want to give presents and you want to make promises. After ‘after a while’, you begin to accepts your defeats like an adult, but like a child, will want someone to listen and care, and you want someone who will build roads with you today so maybe you can pave the way for your future together. After ‘after a while’, you want someone’s sunshine and warmth, but also accept that the rain and the cold, and you want to give flowers picked from your own garden. And when your garden is picture perfect, you want it to be more than a picture even if it means having to be imperfect because you want someone in it to stay and to live. Then you’ll see that there is such a thing as love … and that you were made to live in someone else’s garden … and you’ll know that there is more to life than yourself.



AND NOW …
You realize that no matter how tightly you hold, if you’re meant to let go, you can. And then you will understand that love gives you reasons to understand even the most complicated situations. And you will grow older believing that just because you have convictions doesn’t mean you’re always right. You will remember the lips because of the smiles that made your day, the words that touched your soul, not only because of the sweet kisses. And as you graciously accept defeat and absorb the meaning of lessons learned, you feel that you are finally being the person you never thought you’d be. So armed with courage, strength and confidence, you will face the world head on … with or without an army behind you. Because you know your worth and that alone is an armor. With more heartbreak you will cry … but after every heartache, you will rise. Life is a garden … it takes long to make it beautiful. But it’s always worth the wait.